The Four Agreements for Horses
When I was a teenager, my Dad gifted me The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I have re-read this book many times over the years, and in those moments when I miss him the most, it feels like a warm hug of his shared wisdom. After this last read, I thought how well this related to horses and our connection with them.
First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word:
Speak with integrity.
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Applying this principle to horses involves maintaining clear communication and positive interactions. When working with horses, being impeccable with your word includes using consistent and gentle commands, avoiding harsh language or actions, and being mindful of your body language and the energy we carry in each moment.
I often observe many labels assigned to our horses; this horse is "stubborn," "stupid," "mare-ish," etc. Often, these labels reveal more about our frustration or lack of understanding than about the true nature of the horse. In my classes and with my clients, I stress the importance of recognizing the positive aspects of our horses; reversing the problem-centered story. Starting with what's going well for your horse allows us to send love and positive energy there, appreciating the good in each horse. This alone has a profound impact on our horses, enabling us to remove negative labels and learn to appreciate each horse for what they uniquely offer—this simple act is transformative MAGIC!
When we hold negative thoughts, it carries energy and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We agree with ourselves that this is how our horse is. We use labels to categorize and discuss the situation with others, and then we pour all our focus on "fixing" our horse. However, it's crucial to understand that it's not the horse that needs to change but rather our approach and perception. By being clear in our requests, breaking them down into manageable steps, and asking for less while building progressively, we achieve impeccable communication. Our words are tools shaping our reality, and when we choose positivity, we create a harmonious partnership with our horses. This fosters an environment where both humans and horses can thrive together.
Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally:
Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
Applying this to working with horses means not taking their challenges personally. Horses might struggle due to pain, lack of understanding, past experiences, trauma, or fear. It encourages us to understand their needs and emotions without tying them to our worth. When a horse is struggling, it's often because:
They don't understand our request.
They find the task challenging due to pain.
They lack the physical capability for the task.
Our communication isn't clear.
They're in a "fight, flight, or freeze" state.
Looking at these scenarios, it becomes evident that the horse doesn't need to change; the responsibility lies with us to adapt. We must:
Step back.
Listen intently to our horse.
Be clearer in our communication, asking for less or slowing down.
Release control, let go of agendas, be playful, get silly, and reconnect with our inner child.
Next time your horse seems uncooperative, consider their perspective. Their behavior reflects their mental and emotional state, not an intent to make your life difficult. Treating each interaction as a chance to offer unwavering support strengthens the partnership. ??
Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.
With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
"Don't make assumptions" urges us to resist assuming reasons for a horse's actions without clear understanding. This principle teaches us to avoid presumptions about a horse's behavior, intentions, or health issues. Instead, approach each situation with an open mind.
In my work, letting go of assumptions is not just a choice; it's a necessity. This approach allows me to receive information from the horse in a unique way, creating opportunities to see things from different perspectives, truly listen, become aware, and be present in the moment. It's a crucial lesson learned from my horses.
Often, misinterpretations arise when we impose human-like motivations onto horses. By refraining from assumptions, we live in the moment, fostering a relationship built on clarity, empathy, and a genuine connection with our horses. ✨
Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret
What constitutes our 'best effort' changes every day. Some days we're bursting with energy, ready to conquer the world, and other days, let's be real, just showing up feels like an achievement.
But here's the magic: when you decide to do your best, you give it your all, regardless of how much you've got left in the tank. It's like this secret energy booster. Now, what 'your best' looks like on that day can change significantly. Some days, it might mean an epic ride or engaging training session, while on others, it's simply being there for your horse, giving scratches and soaking in the connection. It's about adapting, letting go of an agenda, being present, and realizing that your best effort is a dynamic, ever-changing thing!?
